The Goofy Thwomp
by Roman Vulcan
Summary: On his way to rescue Peach, our favorite Italian plumber get confronted by a Thwomp...that gives him a ridiculous request. What is it? Read to find out.


A/N: One little note. The joke will make more sense if you've seen_ Night at the Museum_ and maybe even funnier. Enjoy!

* * *

"Here we go!" said Mario as he ran through Bowser's castle. He knew the real Bowser was waiting for him to come for the princess, who had been kidnapped…again. Thwomps and Firebars didn't slow him down, so determined was he.

_There-a we are_, he thought as he saw a door up ahead. _They're-a in there._ He was about to walk towards in when—

THUD!

—a Thwomp fell right in front of him. That gave him a shock. But the shock wasn't over yet. First off, it didn't ascend as Thwomps usually do. And secondly…

"HEY!" it boomed at the plumber.

Mario, still recovering from the former surprise, jumped backwards. Fortunately, he got his balance back before he fell into the lava.

"Dum dum," the Thwomp said.

"Yeah?" asked the nervous plumber.

"You give me gum gum."

"Mama mia, what?"

"You give me gum gum, dum dum!"

"Uhhh…I don't-a have any gum gum with-a me. And my-a name is not-a dum dum. It's-a Mario."

"No, you name dum dum. You give me gum gum!"

Just then, the Thwomp looked up and saw something. "Uh-oh, you in trouble, dum dum. You better run run from the Goomba with the gun gun!"

The plumber turned around and saw the Goomba. Sure enough, it had a Portable Bullet Bill Blaster! He looked left and saw an open window. He hesitated for a moment, and then made a dash for it.

"See you later, dum dum!" called the Thwomp.

The Goomba didn't pay any attention; it just wanted to get the plumber. The Bullet Bill was let loose. Mario made a jump at the window…and made it before the living bullet got him.

"Nuts!" mumbled the Goomba. "That was my only one."

* * *

Mario stood up and took deep breaths. That was too close, even for him!

_But how am I ever gonna get gum for that Thwomp?_ he wondered.

A sound distracted him. It was barking. Understandably, Mario jumped up into a nearby tree. Becoming Chomp food wasn't on his list of priorities. But to his surprise, the barking grew fainter.

_Whew,_ he thought, _that was a close one._ He turned around…

"WAAAH!" he shouted in surprise.

"Mario?"

"Luigi! What-a are you doing here?"

"I was-a exploring some pipes near-a the castle and found-a myself at here."

"Maybe that's-a how Peach was-a kidnapped this time."

"Well—" Mario hesitated. "Sorry if-a this sounds silly, but do you have-a any gum?"

The green-clad plumber reached into his pocket, pulled out something, and looked at it. He smiled and handed it to his brother.

"Thank-a you!"

"I'll-a wait here."

* * *

Back into the castle went Mario. He went the long way just in case the Goomba was waiting for him. He was so excited that he wasn't watching his step sometimes until—

"Ow, hot! Ahoohoo, hot hot hot hot HOT!" He looked back at the Firebar that had gotten him. "I gotta be more-a careful."

Eventually, he got to the place where the Thwomp was; it had dozed off. He looked over at the window. Sure enough, the same Goomba was there, watching it intently. He snuck towards it and jumped. It did not notice him…until he had stomped on it! Then he went back to the sleeping Thwomp.

"Hello again, dum dum," he said to it.

It opened its eyes. "Me no dum dum. You dum dum." Its face softened. "You bring me gum gum?"

"Why-a, yes, I did." He opened the package that Luigi had given him. "Lotsa gum gum."

"Mmmm." The Thwomp smiled.

It opened its mouth; Mario put in the stringy gum. After it ascended, chewing happily, Mario continued on to save Peach.

* * *

"Thank you again, Mario!"

The princess and the plumber jumped over the abyss that Bowser had fallen into. They came to where the window was, and Mario looked up.

"How's-a the gum gum, dum dum?" he called up.

"Mmmm."

Peach giggled a little. Then they proceeded to the window. There was Luigi.

"Hey, princess," he said. "I think-a there's a pipe at the castle we need-a to block. But before that, let's-a go home."

* * *

Kamek had his head low. He had some bad news for Bowser that might not be accepted very well, especially now. As he approached the door to the king's chamber, he heard something weird.

"Ffff ffff ffff ffff."

The confused Magikoopa looked around. What could it be?

"Ffff ffff ffff fff-POP!"

At the pop, he jumped and looked up at the Thwomp which guarded the king's chamber. It had a pink splotch over its mouth and was saying, "Mmm mmmm mm mmmm."

_I don't think King Bowser is gonna be happy about this._

* * *

Crash.

The tight-fisted, glowering, turtle-like king smashed the door to his chamber and stomped towards the Thwomp. His henchman came up behind him, understandably nervous.

"Get down here this instant!" Bowser shouted at it… straight up at it. Then he screamed, "NOT ON ME, YOU IDIOT!"

The Thwomp stopped inches from his head, then ascended. Bowser stepped out of the way, and Kamek shakily ran across the place where it would have come crashing down.

"NOW come down!"

THUD!

"What's this pink stuff?"

"Mmm mmm," was the reply.

"WHAT!"

"Mmm mmm!"

Bowser impatiently scraped it off the Thwomp's mouth.

"Gum gum," it said when it could speak.

There was a momentary pause.

"Kamek." The Magikoopa carefully approached. "Freeze this stuff."

Kamek obeyed. Bowser smashed the frozen gum and turned back to the Thwomp. "Who gave you gum gum?"

"Dum dum."

"Who?"

"Dum dum!"

Bowser paused, then spoke in a dangerously quiet voice.

"Does 'dum dum' wear a red shirt and cap with blue overalls and have a bushy, brown moustache?"

"Yeah, that dum dum."

* * *

Bowser sulked in his chamber. Kamek, whose ears were still ringing, understandably kept his distance.

"That goofy Thwomp," murmured the king. "I'd destroy it if I had the sense!"

He snorted.

"First, Peach is rescued AGAIN! Then those two maniacs stole my guard Chomp. Next, the easy access to her castle is blocked. And finally, that Thwomp. I will get revenge on those two plumbers and their cousins. But how?"

A memory suddenly popped up. That gave him a great idea.

"Kamek."

"Y-y-yes, sir?"

"Get me the lead Hammer Brother."

This was done quickly.

"Yes, King Bowser?" asked the hammer-throwing Koopa.

"Take your brothers and some Troopas. Damage as many pipes as you can. Don't damage them beyond repair, but make them hard to fix."

"Consider it done, sir." He left.

Bowser smiled to himself.

­_If this works out right, I_ will _have my revenge._

* * *

A/N: If you have any guesses on what the plan is, please, put them in your reviews. Thanks for reading! 


End file.
